The morning goodbye

October 01, 2010

We had a great time at the Draft Horse Show last weekend in Grass Valley, and we took quite a few pictures which will be in the slideshow shortly. No major issues, except Natalie’s desire to sing along with America the Beautiful during the evening show. The stroller worked ok, and then we switched to Jakki’s Baby Bjorn thingy for the evening show. We timed it well, being home around midnight Saturday night. Jakki and I are talking about going on Friday next year, just to change it up a bit. Overall it was a pretty good Saturday though. Sunday was relaxing, from what I remember, and this week has been a blur.

Natalie’s sleep/nap schedule has been screwed up this week, a likely result from the very long trip on Saturday. She did not sleep much on Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday nights. She has been exceptionally needy and upset for unknown reasons throughout the week, likely related to exhaustion. She just started sleeping through the night again on Wednesday. She also struggles to take a decent nap on a regular basis. Why is it that when you are younger, you never want to sleep, even if you are tired; but when you get older, all you ever want is an afternoon nap to keep pace? Natalie fights sleeping so much that we have been putting her down later and later. Last night we finally put her down at 11:00pm, because she just isn’t tired.

This leads to my current dilemma. When I leave in the morning everyone is asleep. I wake Jakki briefly to say goodbye, and then quietly visit Natalie to do the same while she sleeps. 80% of the time she is sleeping so soundly that it isn’t a problem. But since she and Jakki are exhausted, I have been very cautious. The last thing I want to do is accidentally wake Natalie and start Jakki’s day off prematurely with a crying baby (which happened last week, and I felt really terrible about it). And today was one of those moments of dread. I snuck into her room and just as I was about to whisper goodbye, she started waking up. I never moved so softly and quickly in my life. I tiptoed backwards and shut her door just as she turned to look my direction. She cried very briefly, and then went back to sleep.

For me, this is a no win situation; I am either the ghostly figure leaving her room; the dad that wakes up the baby and leaves the house; or the dad that doesn’t even see his baby before he goes to work. I hate leaving without seeing her, so that third option really isn’t an option for me, but it might be necessary when I know that Jakki and Natalie need their rest. The whole thing is a gamble I guess. I wonder what other dads have done. Do they even worry about these things? I am so attached to her that I am a wreck in the mornings if I can’t see her and verify that she is ok before I leave the house. But I am full of guilt if she wakes up, and I have to wake up Jakki.

Let sleeping dogs lie. . . That would be easier if they slept through everything that you wanted to do. So, for anyone listening, what do you do?

~ Nathan